Strawberries and Broken Promises
by Firebreather23
Summary: A lead on Red John can't turn out well with his thirst for revenge and my duty to stop Jane if he hurts him" -Lisbon... Violence, drugs, a suicide attempt, a broken heart, and one lost team member. Rated T for later chapters. Please R&R. Jane/Lisbon.
1. In

**A/N: This story will be incredibly long and have numerous, small chapters. Look out for a new chapter every day or so. **

**Summary: "A lead on Red John can't turn out well with his thirst for revenge and my duty to stop him..." A story filled with violence, drugs, a suicide attempt, a broken heart, and one lost team member. Rated T**

**Lisbon**

I wake up to a bleak, dreary Tuesday morning only to look to my left and find that once again no one lay beside me. I try to stop myself from thinking about him before I go to work, or I'd show up smiling at nothing on a day that nothing was supposed to be cheerful. I don't need to check the calendar to know that today was September 11. The devastation it caused our country was scarring, and the memory of those who passed away live on. But the more time that goes by, the more I need to remind myself of why I keep my job. I do it for justice and integrity, I am not a murderer. If someone gets killed by my own hand, it was for a good cause.

Patrick Jane…his name makes me smile despite the images of smoke clouds emerging from the Twin Towers that linger in my mind. His water-blue eyes never fail to capture my attention. I know I should focus more on these case files but that just isn't working for me when I see his blonde hair casually make its way through the bullpen. My stomach turns as I see him head this way.

**Jane**

I know she hates the way she's falling for me, but it makes me smile. The way she blushes whenever I make trivial accusations and the way her green eyes shine when I compliment whatever she's wearing. I know that in the end it will hurt her. But I can't betray the memory of my beloved wife and child. For right now it's just fun and games and she won't be to broken up if I keep it smooth. She's gotten herself out of this situation before, I can tell. But it isn't anything a week or so of ice cream, a hot bubble bath, and a few shed tears couldn't fix.

"Good morning, Lisbon," greeting her without announcing myself is one of my most favorite methods of annoying her.

I could see right through the fake-pissed expression she tried to pull off. I'll let it slide, "Jane- how many times do I have to tell you to knock?"

I shrug to show stubbornness, but I'll have you know that I have no intention of knocking. A familiar buzzing sounded from her desk. I listened intently and watched her eyes to catch any sign of what it could be about.

"Yeah, Lisbon…"

**Lisbon**

I can't believe what I'm hearing. He sounds serious enough but I can't bring myself to believe that they actually _found_ him. It's simply insane. My insides bunch together as I realize what this means for my team. It will be a temporary success, but I know what Jane will make it into. Having a lead on Red John can't turn out well with Jane's determination for revenge and my duty to stop him.

**Please REVIEW...look out for the next chapter tomorrow! Thanks, Firebreather23**


	2. The

**As promised, a new chapter. I will be posting like crazy for the first few days so be happy readers and review. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Mentalist or its characters, but check up on my around Christmas. It's on my list.**

**Lisbon**

I nearly knock Jane over trying to get into the bullpen to grab the new vest to replace my damaged one before I had even finished speaking to Minelli.

"They've got a lead on Red John's location. VanPelt you're with us and stay on the line with Officer Reed, if they hear Red John so much as sneeze I want to know about it-"I hand her the paper with his phone number and turn back to the elevator- "Rigsby, I need you to take your laptop just in case we need to reach Minelli in the next few hours since he has strict orders not to call him. Cho…" I check to make sure Jane isn't listening, which he isn't. He is standing staring at the floor blankly before we leave, "watch out for him."

**Cho**

The boss seems nervous, I can understand that. The man she loves might end up in jail by the end of the day. I would be upset too. But this is beyond nerves; her driving is sloppy, she failed to brief us before arrival at the scene, she even snapped at Rigsby over a comment on excitement concerning Red John. I can see where her eyes are focus in the rear view mirror, and it isn't on incoming traffic. It is on a mad soon-to-be criminal who just happened to be in the back seat. I know she loves him. It's a little too obvious, but her behavior isn't professional. Minelli was right to temporarily take her off this case- I just wish it would have been longer before she got it back.

But that's not my decision. If it weren't for that damn maternity streak of hers I wouldn't give it another thought, but everyone is aware of the bullet she would take for him in a heartbeat when in reality it would be the last thing he would think to do for her. I know Jane's had a rough past, but so has everyone else. If the last thing I see today before leaving work is my boss being zipped up in a body bag, Patrick Jane will be zipped up right alongside her. I love her like a sister and I will make sure that no one hurts her. I will not be forced to look at her empty, lifeless eyes staring at nothing as she is tucked away and sent to the morgue. She can't die on me.

**Jane**

I know that she will try, but she won't stop me. I will have my revenge on this bastard if it's the last thing I do. Hell, I don't even care if it's the last thing she does either. I will NOT let her get in my way. Nor will I let any of these other pawns interrupt my vengeance either. Red John is mine and I will kill him. He will suffer for what he has done. My poor baby girl- she didn't deserve to die. I could only imagine what she could have been when she got older. I would have liked to think she would have been a musician, she tried so hard at playing the piano and making sound just the way her mother did. Her mother…I miss her more than anything. I loved her.

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	3. Hearts

**I hate it when no one reviews my stories. I know it's still short, but if I promise to have at least 50 chapters will you review every chance you get :D? please!!??**

***Disclaimer* ya know- same old junk...**

**Lisbon**

This is screwed up on too many levels for my liking. I never understood how a man can be so cruel and find it in his ability to laugh on top of it all, but here was the natural oddity. Holding a fistful of my hair with a gun held to my forehead. I have been in situations like this before and it doesn't bother me- never has. My team's reaction is what has me concerned. I thought that they might have been my friends, but again I failed to keep work and life outside work separate. Well, that is if I could call it a life outside work. An empty apartment beside my dog isn't exactly the reflection of a life.

Red John thinks that Jane would be moved by a threat of my life, but we all know better than that. Patrick Jane is still arguing with him and ignoring every time he jerks my head upwards to show that he has control over whether I live or not. Not that I care, my being is ultimately pointless and I therefore have no desire to live nor do I have a desire to die. I'm just here. On the other hand Cho, VanPelt, and Rigsby tend to want to protect me which is neither wise, productive, or beneficial.

A sudden pang shoots through my body as I realize that Red John stabbed my back, "I have no problem with killing your beloved girlfriend…"

Jane cut him off before he could finish, "She's not my girlfriend! She's nothing to me and you can kill her for all I care."

His words hurt more than the feeling of the maniacal serial killer's blade twisting in a muscle in my back. I knew he didn't care for me but he didn't have to say it like that. I fight a tear and decide on another attempt to free myself from his hold even though I know it's no use.

**VanPelt**

The poor woman, how can he say that when she is right there? Doesn't he know that she has feelings for him, that she wanted to be his friend if not more? I was wrong about him in thinking that he was a good man that was just a little broken- he's cold-hearted and evil. Poor Lisbon, I wish I could comfort her but I have to keep up my act in playing the unconscious one until the right time along with Cho and hopefully Rigsby. He was so convincing I am beginning to wonder if it was really an act, or if he had been honestly injured.

"Really? You don't care for her at all? Now I don't believe that." I heard Red John question.

Jane was quick to respond, "It would be a favor if you killed her. All she does is threaten me with her right to incarcerate citizens. She's just a pawn anyway."

This is getting unbearable, waiting is like hell. I wish Lisbon would just give the signal already, but she might not be able to. I gather enough courage to barely squint my eyes to see her face. The fact that it is noon gives me enough light to see even now, when the lights are off. I pray that he doesn't notice me moving, but I would think he was beside himself now. He is probably only focusing on Jane, the hard heartened traitor.

**Cho**

I didn't land in the best position, but I knew I couldn't adjust. I knew the side of my belt with the gun is facing upward, where Red John or Jane could easily get to it. I don't know how much longer Lisbon can take it before she gives the signal. I can hear the familiar sound of a blade puncturing skin for a second time, this time Lisbon makes a small noise in pain.

"Oh- look at her face…don't you have any sympathy towards her suffering?" there was a short pause before Red John continued taunting him, "Well, at least your wife didn't have it as bad as she does. I had the kindness to not let them feel anything. They hadn't done anything wrong."

Another wrenching sound followed by a body hitting the floor and a three faint knocks against the wooden flooring. That's our signal and the last thing Senior Agent Teresa Lisbon did before slipping into unconsciousness.

**Next chapter will be up shortly. Thanks :D**

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	4. Of

**Good day, dear readers. I hope you're ready for another chapter and some more chances for REVIEWing. **

**Special thanks to CaterinaCarmela, Divina Serit, Li, and Laura for REVIEWing and helping make my stories better.**

**[Disclaimer]**

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**3****rd**** Person POV**

Cho, Rigsby, and VanPelt leapt to their feet at the sound of faint tapping with their guns drawn, waiting for a valid reason to shoot. Agent Lisbon lay motionless on the ground, blood flowing smoothly across the floor from her back. A laugh echoed from every wall of the empty room.

"Very good," Red John said with a smile, "I didn't see that coming. I must admit that it was a very neat trick, Patrick."

VanPelt looked to Rigsby; he stood tall and strong with his finger on the trigger of his gun that was aimed for Red John's forehead. Cho stood identically, only his eyes flickered to his boss every few seconds. Jane stood with his hands in the air, knowing that he was the one Red John really wanted. Jane tried to draw more attention and get the others out of danger. He felt a wave of guilt as his own eyes were drawn to the growing pool of blood surrounding Lisbon. He needed to do something fast, before she lost anymore blood.

"It's over Red John. You're not walking out of here," Jane said in a matter-of-fact tone. Rigsby suppressed a shudder as he moved towards VanPelt. She wouldn't handle being threatened like Lisbon would, she would be scared. He wouldn't let anything happen to her, he couldn't.

"I may not be, but neither is your boss and Grace," he retorted.

Jane saw Rigsby tense up as he jumped for VanPelt. He just had to wait until he did something harmful to her, then he could kill him. Red John would be dead.

**Jane**

I hated seeing her face twist each time the knife met her body, but it was the only way. I knew that he would have killed her if it weren't for my lying. At least she wasn't abused anymore than that. I think it worked out perfectly, even if the small Serious Crime Unit team hadn't known what I planned to happen. Everyone acted accordingly, now I just need to do some damage control. Red John is dead and hopefully in Hell where he belongs, but I know that Lisbon is still on a stretcher being poked at by Paramedics. She had lost a lot of blood and thankfully VanPelt wasn't hit by the shots aimed at her attacker.

I haven't left her side since the source of my nightmares was dead. I knew I must have looked like a hypocrite, holding her warm body close to mine and sitting on the floor covered in her blood. I cried for my dead wife and child, I cried out of happiness that it was all over, I cried because I was sorry for allowing him to hurt her. I was so sorry. I know she will never forgive me, and for that I cry.

**VanPelt**

He held her hand softly and only gave the harsh-mannered Paramedics glares that made them leave him alone when they dared to tell Patrick Jane to back off. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions, and I can't believe I gave into the obvious lies Jane said about Lisbon. It seemed so real, I can remember seeing the grief etched in her face before she fell. I know that he loves Lisbon; he wouldn't say anything like that about her…would he?

**Rigsby**

Grace is safe and that is all that matters. She wasn't harmed, but she might be a little haunted by the memory of being attacked by Red John. Jane is taking care of Lisbon, so I need to take care of VanPelt. It is my duty as a friend to make sure she's alright- I can do this.

I struggled to find the right words before speaking, "Uh…" my mind was going 100 miles per hour and I didn't know where to begin, "You…Are you ok?" I slid my hands deep into my pockets, fiddling with a paperclip. I didn't trust them to be anywhere else; they could be treacherous at the worst of times.

She nodded with a fake smile, "I'm fine."

"Do you need a ride home?" It was a long shot but it was worth a try. I knew she would appreciate the thought but would say no anyway.

She looked at me for a minute before responding, "Sure, I would like that."

Her answer threw me off. What do I do when she says yes? "K, let's go…"

I knew what Cho was thinking before I saw his normally stoic expression. 'Smooth…'

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**next chapter will be up tomorrow...*cough cough* *REVIEW!!!* *cough*...oh i'm sorry- I must be catching something...**


	5. the Blind

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Hello my dear readers- do forgive my delay in updating but I have been having a very busy weekend and no time to get to a computer.

Special thanks to Devina Serit, Ravenclaw101, Madamwolf, Justifications-Overrated, Laura, and Li for reviewing. Please keep it up and adding to my stories. Tell me what you want to read and I will do my best.

**DISCLAIMER**

**If anyone wants to talk with me about the episode Red Badge aired last Thursday the 8th of Oct. 2009, I would be glad too. I really have no one here who like the Mentalist as much as I do.**

**Jane**

I am reminded of my obnoxious behavior towards my friend every minute that she doesn't wake up; every day that she remains in "stable condition" (in the words of Dr. Shroud) but lingers in the same deep sleep. I take the time to notice many different things about her I hadn't before- the most concerning being the fact that even when she is asleep, she has her guard up. She never relaxes. Her brows knit together whenever someone touches her, she moans during the dead of night caused perhaps by a bad dream, and she always says the same name over and over.

**Minelli**

God damn it, Lisbon. What kind of mess did you get yourself into this time? Alright, I just need to take a deep breath and remain professional about this…*sigh*…Right, well Jane is not at fault for the situation. It is completely on Red John, from what I heard from Cho. They entered the scene and Lisbon handed herself over on her own accord to try and protect Jane, that hardly seems like I would have to punish him. So I don't have to worry about it- good.

VanPelt has already been recognized for her work and is being promoted, Rigsby is being commended for finishing off a notorious serial killer in the News, and Cho has requested to not be moved to another team for taking on the role as Senior Agent. That means I don't have to worry about them either.

The only one left is my most gifted Agent, and she is lying unconscious in a hospital bed for the seventh day in a row. I know she's in good hands with her team never leaving and her consultant always watching. I'm more worried about her health and her mental state. She's had so much depression already that I don't think she could handle any more. But then again, she is Senior Agent Teresa Lisbon, and she has handled everything I've thrown at her before with little worry. Maybe she'll be fine, maybe not. I'll worry about it later.

**Lisbon**

_Just keep running- it'll be over soon. The crunch of my tennis shoes against the dead Autumn leaves echo in my mind as I try to focus on something other than my family, anything. It's all going to be okay eventually. I replay my mother's lullaby to try to calm down._

"_Nothing's going to harm you, not while I'm around. Nothing going to harm you darling, not while I'm around" It's not working, why isn't it working? It always works! Oh God… what am I supposed to do? What would Mom do? _

_I stopped and leaned against a tree, sliding down with my back being scratched by the rough bark. Running in the woods behind my house usually makes me feel better after one of my Father's outbursts, but not this time. This one was worse, way worse. He's never hit me before. Why did my Mother have to die? Why am I so alone…_

_I cried surrounded by my friends, the trees. "Mommy…"_

**VanPelt**

Lisbon's starting to sweat. She's been turning in her sleep for about an hour, crying out for her mother, the sight was almost as heart breaking as her being stabbed. The unfamiliar sound of her whimpering helplessly filled the bleak hospital room. Only Jane and I are here to be with her, even if she didn't know it. The heart-monitor attached to my boss beeped more frequently than before and Jane's expression quickly turned as he stretched out his hand and took hers in his. The action was sweet, but the reaction that followed was hard to watch.

**Jane**

[Caution- the next sentence is a spoiler]. I knew just how broken she was since the day she put up an act to catch a rogue psychologist in her living room, but I didn't know how much it could affect her in times like this. I tried to hold her hand to calm her down, but all she did was start saying "no" over and over. I was at a loss for words and thoughts when my body acted on its own accord and I stood up to place a kiss on her warm forehead. At least that made her stop.

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	6. Something

**Disclaimer: Forgive me but I forgot to put a disclaimer for the song from Sweeney Todd from the last chapter. I don't own Sweeney either, I just thought it would be a nice touch to put that particular song in there. It will be featured in later chapters as well.**

**Please x2398532523 review! I need your opinions. **

**A/N: I have revised major errors from previous chapters, so go back if you want. Nothing really chaged though.**

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**Jane**

She finally woke up yesterday. All her talk about respecting doctor's orders and minding your attitude around other people was surprisingly enough just to look mature- as if she needed to look any more mature when she is compared to me all the time. I almost feel like she doesn't have to put effort forth to look like a hard worker when her right hand man is seen as a buffoon. The way Lisbon complains about eating all the vegetables and whining the she's healthier than the nurse (with clearly high cholesterol) makes me laugh like I haven't since my daughter…

**Cho**

Boss is hilarious, yelling at everyone she can find like there's no tomorrow and she'll never be allowed to say a cross word again. She been much better than the day she woke up, which was by far the worst day I've had in a while.

_I walked into the cold, dingy hospital room and find VanPelt fighting tears, Lisbon surrounded by nurses, doctors, and Lord knows else, and I see Jane holding her hand. He couldn't care any less whether or not it was manly or not but he watched crying over her bedside. I focused in on what might be the problem; listening to the heart-monitor beep faster each passing second, Lisbon's body swarming out of control, and the doctors sedating her. _

_After a few minutes when the band of clean cut, plastic-looking medical practitioners had been satisfied and gone Jane, VanPelt and I remained to stay with her. She was calm, but still tossing and turning uneasily. _

**VanPelt**

I know what Cho was thinking of as soon as I caught a glimpse of him lazily sprawled out across the chair with a worried look plastered on his face. He looks the same way when retracing steps in a case that we were stuck on, or whenever Lisbon would be close to beating him at a game of Clue and he knew it. That day was hard on us all, even Rigsby.

_Jane didn't think before he acted. If he did, he wouldn't have done what he had and he wouldn't have to deal with the consequences. I personally don't see what he is upset about. After the doctors had left and Boss was still having nightmares, we knew someone had to do something to wake her up. _

_Jane bent down and gently moved a few strands of hair from her face. I would have liked to imagine that it was the same look that he had given his wife before she died. His eyes never left her face and his hand held one of hers on her stomach. He closed the remaining space between their faces and placed what had to be the softest, most caring kiss on her lips. Her arms reached up and wrapped themselves around his neck and his left hand found her messy hair while the other remained on her stomach. Rigsby walked in just in time to see it._

**Rigsby**

It reminded me of Cinderella a little bit. Shoot, if Cinderella was a brunette Federal Agent who had an evil Father instead of Mother and if Prince Charming was the blonde who was kissing a girl who had just been stabbed by a serial killer instead of one who touched a tip of…something….than it would be exactly like it. I can hardly see the difference personally- maybe now they can live happily ever after now that Red John is dead and Lisbon is awake.

Stop…thinking about a fairy tale to entertain 4 year old girls isn't healthy for me…ughhh…the Florida Gators/Louisiana Tigers game was interesting…go Tigers…*cough*

**Jane**

Rigsby is a little hopeless sometimes…**

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	7. You'll

**Sorry about the delay (again), but this week is kinda busy. I will be sure to address the issue of the length of the chapters this weekend (if I have time). I have PSAT tomorrow and I'm kinda stressed about that so please ignore all grammatical errors.**

**Special thanks to ArchieDork, Lisa15, mia66, celticgina, mwalter1, [anonymus], and anyone who I may have forgotten who left me a review. If I did forget your name, please review and tell me mean I am and give me a virtual slap.**

**A/N: I would like to point out that there is another refrence to the song from Sweeney Todd in this chapter, just as a heads up and a disclaimer.**

**DISCLAIMER**

**enjoy now, review after.**

**Lisbon (Monday morning)**

All these damn people need to go and…just…go away. I want some coffee; maybe the nurse will get me some if I ask nicely. Hmmm…where did I put the button thingy? Oh, there it is.

Oh, I didn't know a light came on whenever I pressed the button. Interesting- I wonder if Jane noticed that. I don't think he did or else he would have said something because he's always SO damn observant…where's the blasted nurse-

"Hi Mrs. Higgins," just try to be nice and I'll get some of the ice cream I wanted…no…I wanted chocolate.

"Is there something you need Ms. Teresa," she asked with her head cocked to the side and her hands on her hips like she's the Queen of England. I forgot how mean she looks.

Wait- she called me Teresa again, "Ma'am, I thought I told you NOT to call…" *cough, cough*, "to call me that. And anyways, I was just wondering if you could get me some candy…pretty please…" I think I did well. She can't say 'no' to that.

Why does she ALWAYS have to roll her eyes before responding!? "Ms. Lisbon I already told you- NO! You cannot have jelly beans, ice cream, your cell phone, coffee, or any kinds of candy. Do you understand now?"

Well that hurt my feelings. I feel really bad now…maybe if I cry she will get me some candy… "Lisbon, don't you worry your head anymore about this. You will be off your narcotics tomorrow and then you can have whatever your little heart desires. No do you think you can wait one more day?"

NO!

**Rigsby**

I haven't laughed this hard since last month. Boss just keeps back-talking everyone and pouting for more coffee or something. I know that Grace thinks that it's sad how she can't help acting like a four-year-old, but I think Cho should record this and put it up on YouTube. I love my job…

**Lisbon (Tuesday night)**

The pain in my back is horrific. The throbbing never goes away, which gives me an even worse migraine. I always hate being in the hospital; the doctors keep you there longer so they can get more money, the nurses hate your guts for daring to be ill, and if I had my gun I would shoot whoever built this heart monitor to be indestructible. Bastards- I can't get a moment of silence without hearing the beeping. It pisses me off. I've spent all morning trying to break it...

A knock on my door gets my mind off complaining, "Yeah?" I hear the sounds of old leathery shoes before seeing a filthy blonde, noodle-headed consultant showing off his "dazzling" smile. How can he even think about coming to talk to me? I don't need him; he can find a different team to antagonize. We would be fine without him. And besides, he smile looks make him look cheesy anyways- it's not all that.

"Lisbon…I wanted to-" he began, but I'm not letting a simple apology like that slide.

"You wanted to what Jane? To apologize," I wait for an answer and continue when none comes, "I risked my life for you, Jane. And all you gave me in return was…was…" God make my head stop hurting so that I can think straight…

I knew he would take the opportunity to say something when I paused, "Lisbon, please listen to me. I had no other choice. If I hadn't said what I had than you could be dead and I couldn't let that happen."

"What? Do you still need your loyal _pawn_ to do some more bidding for you before she dies? Do you expect me to put myself on the line for you every time I see that you could be killed."

"No, Lisbon," he walked forward and firmly grabbed my shoulders. I felt my cross expression sink into confused comfort without my consent, "I can't lose you. I told you not to give into what Red John said, but you did anyway. I told you he was going to try to get you to sacrifice yourself so he could use you, but you ignored me."

He's a persistent ass-hole, I'll give him that, "I know what I did was against your orders," as if I'm supposed to be taking orders from a consultant, "but you orders were against my better judgment. You would be dead right now if I hadn't done what I had. I'm not sorry.

He knows I won't drop it and I think it wise that he just leave it at that. After a moment of silence he thinks out loud, "You're not a pawn, you're the Queen. And I would never want you to risk your life for me. I would have rather died."

Dense son of a bitch, "I don't believe that you care about me. But I hope you know that I care about you and that I would risk death a hundred times over for you. I refuse to let anyone harm you, not while I'm around."

I've never said that to anyone before.

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	8. Never

**I know this chapter is short, but as ArchieDork pointed out- most of them are short. But there is a method to my madness- I write short chapters and update almost everyday. Unless you would want long chapters every month or so...your pick.**

**Special Thanks to mia66, ArchieDork, tbfan94, and Devina Serit for reviewing. No thanks at all to Ravenclaw101 and Violet Alchemist who didn't read my story like they promised.**

**Disclaimer**

**New chapter will be up before tonight, but only if I get 5 reviews for this chapter!**

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**Mrs. Higgins**

They're so adorable together. I overheard a little Asian man and a big ol' hunk a fine testosterone gossiping about somethin' that mesmerizing Blondie had told my patient. They're like the little white couple on top of a weddin' cake. From what I heard, he can't love her but she loves him like nobody's business. Somethin' about how his wife left and his daughter was shot or somethin' like that. But that don't make it any less cute.

2:00- time for Teresa's daily dose. I managed to find the key and opened the medicine cabinet to fetch her, and a few other patients, medicine. Okay, now off to room ST-523 to serve my new favorite patient.

"I hate to break up your little spat, but Ms. Lisbon has to take her scheduled pain medication," I said without having to knock. I knew that they were arguing before I got the medicine.

They shut up immediately and with a little complaining she took the pills and drank all of her water. The tall blonde man, who I now know is called Patrick Jane, was the one who got her to take it. I find it interesting that she will immediately calm herself down and obey him whenever he tells her to do something. It don't surprise me at all that she goes right back to yelling at him after she's out of that little trance mode she's got.

"What the hell, Jane! I told you to stop that- it's unprofessional," and there they go again. I can tell you that next he's going to have some smart ass comeback, then she's going to say something even more smart ass, and then after a while of that she's going to say something that makes him look like he was the one who was stabbed, and then he's going to say something that looks like something she wasn't expecting, and then she's going to stop herself from crying, and then he's NOT going to kiss her even though I can tell he wants to. I'm not going to sign her release papers until they quit their arguing and show each other some love…well, I wouldn't if I were the doctor anyway.

**Jane**

"God, Lisbon- I…I'm so sorry…" She didn't have to say it like that. I know what I did was wrong and she still hasn't forgiven me, but that was just cruel. I know that it's just the pills that make her say those things and that she wouldn't say it any other time, but it still hurts. I…I care…I…I don't know. She's important to me, I suppose.

"I know Jane- I don't know why I said that," it was defiantly the pills. She spoke fast. I saw her starting to shake and keep from crying, "Please forgive me. I'll never say anything like that again- I forgave you for what you said. It doesn't even matter anymore. Jane…" I had to cut her off.

I couldn't listen to her anymore. Her scrambling only made it worse- it showed only a portion of how messed up she is and that makes me feel worse. I know that some of that is my fault and I know that I have to try and fix whatever is wrong in her head, "Shh…It's okay, I forgive you. It's alright, Lisbon. Calm down."

There it was, the look that breaks my heart every time. The one that meant she had given up and that she was defeated- at least she never cried. I don't know what I would do if I saw her cry. She means to much to me.

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	9. Find

**Hello and thank you for being such good readers to me. But you know what would make me happy- more reviews! Not that I'm complaining- I think you are all doing a wonderful job with leaving me reviews.**

**Disclaimer**

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**VanPelt**

The nurse has made everyone leave ST-523 to speak with Lisbon. I just hope she's alright. There's nothing I would like more right now than for Lisbon to be released. I can tell she hates to be taken care of. It would make sense though, as far as we have heard she has never had someone to take care of her.

Jane hasn't looked away from the closed grey door for the past 5 minutes, hoping that they would get out. He hasn't left her room for days, even to eat. I have been in the room when she's asleep and I can tell that he wouldn't be able to sleep himself during her nightmares. He would be trying to comfort her. The circles under his eyes and his drooping shoulders make it clear that he's exhausted. I'll bet he dreams of his couch almost the whole day.

**Rigsby**

Lisbon was supposed to be released yesterday, but they pushed it back until today to see how she would do without any of the pain meds. She didn't do well to be honest. Boss isn't one to complain, but Cho noticed that every time she moved her face would turn sour. I didn't notice it because I was busy thinking about the case- which I helped close. I'm such a good worker. Even when I'm off duty for the week I do what I can to help serve justice. Good job, me.

…I'm going insane. It's not natural to talk to yourself- what do they call that? Skits….Skitsophrentic? No…hmmm…

**Cho**

I'm tired. Hopefully the doctor's will be done with whatever they are doing and we can get the hell out of here. This is so stupid- Lisbon is a big girl and can take care of herself. She's been doing fine on her own since she was 12. Why can't they just sign the release papers? Stupid doctors- Jane was right. They are creepy.

I've never thought about them in that way before, but whenever Jane describes them, he couldn't be more right.

"…_On their first day of Medical School, they are given a stack of books and a dead body. That, I'm afraid, can change a person…"_

It's got to be the funniest thing I've ever heard in my life, but whatever. I don't have the best sense of humor, so it could just be another meaningless idea of his.

**Jane**

God damn doors- why do they have to be sound-proof? I would imagine it would be because of HIPAA. Curse the rodent who wrote that ominous law- if I had anything to say about it, they would be punished. But as it remains, I am powerless against government officials. Those arrogant turds- how dare they even begin to think that they are smarter than me? I am more cunning and clever than they could ever dream of being. And right now I want my Lisbon…I mean…I want Lisbon back at the office. It's not the same without her- it's not as fun.

But why should I care about the CBI anymore? They are of no use to me, I don't need them anymore. I wonder when the best time to quit would be, or if I could just stop coming in. Maybe Minelli already put the resignation form in for me. He always thinks ahead and I know he's just itching to be rid of me. I know that Lisbon would probably want me gone too, she would never be the same towards me after what happened with Red John. And she wouldn't forget. I think it would be best if she just forgot about me and Red John, it would be easier on her.

But I'll miss her so much. I would think about her every day.

**Lisbon**

Blah, blah, blah…just shut up so that I can go home. I miss my tiny little messy apartment. It's so unorganized and dirty and homey. I wish I was there now, curled up in my bed with…Chance! Oh my God, he's hasn't been fed in a week. Shit! Poor dog- he probably ran away already like he did last time I was in the hospital. Okay, now the doctor really needs to shut up and let me go.

Help! I'm being held hostage by a scary looking old man with super-thick glasses and a clip-board!

"…and other than that you should be good to go. Were you even listening to me, Teresa?" Dr. Shrout speculated in his usual flat, unhappy voice. His eyes squinted behind his bifocals.

I nodded firmly, "Yep, every word doctor." I know he doesn't believe me but I don't care. I was just released.

"Okay, well I get paid whether or not you listen or not, Teresa." Wait.

What did he just say? The Walter case- he's involved. Rigsby told me every detail of the report and crime scene. It was a case that had been put on hold. Benjamin Walter was found dead in an alley near to this hospital and forensics found traces of a substance on the body that could have been left behind from the shooter. The substance was a chemical that only doctor that work in this hospital would be exposed to because the research is only being conducted here. Cho, Rigsby, and VanPelt were assigned the case, but have had no luck so far.

"Jane!"

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	10. Is

**Here you go, your update that celticgina requested. You can thank them for being nice and reviewing! **

**Please Review after reading :D**

**Disclaimer**

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**Jane**

I came running when I heard her yell my name. Damn- the door is locked. Come on- open already!

"Jane, Cho…" she called before I heard the doctor smother her voice. I was banging on the door and doing everything I could to get in, but it was no use.

"Lisbon! Lisbon we're coming, just hold on." I yelled back. Where is that nurse? "Mrs. Higgins!"

VanPelt was already a step ahead of me. A stout woman waddled her way to the door muttering something unintelligent and searching for the right key. "Here you go Mr. Jane." She said out of breath. I could tell that she had not suspected Dr. Shroud to be a criminal.

As soon as the door clicked open I threw myself onto its heavy frame to get in, "Lisbon…" I thought I would see an unconscious small-framed woman, or, more likely, a fierce Agent cuffing an old worn-looking man and reciting his rights. But I saw neither.

I wasn't expecting that.

**Lisbon**

This is different. Shit…uh…alright. Go back to training- they would have told me to remain tough and calm. I can do that…I think. I've never been in this kind of situation before. I've had a gun to my head, I've seen a gun held to someone else's head, and I've been cuffed, but I've never been cuffed by an old man who was carving the same smile I thought I had been rid of into my left arm while being choked to death. The rope around my neck must have been tied into a death knot because it wasn't coming undone.

"Red John told me to give you this if I ever met you, dearie. He said he wanted you to always remember him for the great man that he was," his voice had changed. It was no longer bored and dull, but excited.

He re-traced over the shallow cut he had made before, making them as deep as he could. He knew as well as I that the scar would never go away, "Jane, Cho…"

I couldn't help it. I don't want to be branded. What would Jane do whenever he saw it? He would look at me and see the death of his family. I would be his misery.

**VanPelt**

That's just wrong- sick and gross and over the line and uncalled for. I would really hate to be Lisbon right now.

"Sir, put the knife down!" Cho commanded.

The old man wasn't going to stop until he was finished, until he was sure Lisbon could see it clearly. Cho wasn't about to let that happen, he had enough of this non-sense. He put away his gun and pulled the man away from his Boss who was struggling for breath. Rigsby leapt to assist Cho while I and Jane rushed to Lisbon. Jane pulled the ropes off with a swift motion; he had apparently seen the knot before. Poor Lisbon, hadn't the world thrown enough at her yet? Can't they just leave her alone?

Jane ignored Cho, Rigsby, and I as we arrested Dr. Shroud for the murder of Benjamin Walter and assault to an officer. He held Lisbon's right hand as she lay in her bed the same way she had when we came in, breathing heavily. The same nurse stood in the doorway and waited until he was finished before she came in to attend to the wounds.

The blood dripped down her arm and onto the floor, creating a pool of smooth red liquid. He eyed her newest injury and felt he might be sick.

**Jane**

I don't know if I'll ever look at her the same way again, not with _his _mark on her arm.

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	11. A

***religious term (Catholic) are mentioned in Grace's POV, you'll know it when you see it.**

**DISCLAIMER**

**To everyone who thinks that I am magically going to start writing long chapters: There is a small hope, but not really. This is about the length that they are going to be for the whole story UNLESS I decide to make them longer. Thanks for the understanding :D**

**Please, please, please review...**

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**Minelli**

When I heard what happened, I didn't initially know how to react. I feel bad for the woman, but I honestly don't see what the problem is. Patrick Jane seems like the world is ending, but it's just a scar. At least Red John's dead now and that's all that really matters. Just business…just business; Lisbon will be fine- she has to be for his sake and for her teams.

**Lisbon**

He used to look at me like there was hope. I remember once we were interview the wife of a murder victim and he said something to her that almost sounded like he cares now. He made it sound like there was hope for living after the death of his family. His eyes would light up whenever we would joke around with each other and he would smile. It was enough to make me smile. I felt like I was making a difference in someone's life, but not anymore.

Whenever I look to him, he looks away. And on the off occasion that I catch him staring, he looks disgusted. He looks like he wants to vomit at the sight of my arm, or rather, just at me. I'm not helping him anymore, I'm dragging back bad memories and that make him angry. I know that Red John is dead, but I also know that I was foolish to think that all of his sadness would die with his worst enemy. I guess I was wrong and wrong to the point that he won't even look at me, much less tell me I'm important to him like I dreamed he might.

He has no one to be angry with but me, and he's not holding back in expressing his mal-content. I thought he might care about me one day. No…I was wrong.

**VanPelt**

Oh God, I thought you were merciful to those who did your will! All Lisbon has done is put away the criminals and help families get through hard times. What did she do to deserve this? And if that happened to her, what is going to happen to me?

I need to go to confession tonight*.

**Cho**

I was right, Jane is an asshole. He's being outright immature about this whole thing about Lisbon's arm. I couldn't believe what he had told her today- it just wasn't Jane.

_I arrived at work at the usual time, but I wasn't happy about it. It still amazes me that Lisbon picked up on the doctor being our murderer from one simple thing he said, but I guess no one can really understand how Jane and Lisbon catch criminals the way they do. She said something about how he said something that was exactly like what Dr. Carmen had said to her in one of her sessions. I don't think she'll ever like doctors the same way again._

_I came through the double doors to wait in line for security check. Lisbon and Jane were a few people in front of me and I could hear what they were saying easily. I know it's rude to eavesdrop, but I needed to know what he was saying to her._

"…_don't be like that. Please, Jane." Boss doesn't beg often._

_He turned to her (as he had been trying to ignore her) and gave a harsh, cold stare, "I know it's not your fault, but I don't care. It's there none the less and you know it bothers me."_

_She tensed her body and took a deep breath. I remember the first week I worked with her; she told me she would never cry in the CBI headquarters, "I'm sorry that it bothers you Jane, but this is unfair. I can't get rid of it, and it's not like I asked for it to be there. Do you think I like having the trademark of a serial-killer etched into my skin?"_

_So that's what their talking about. That jerk- what does he expect her to do, cut her arm off? "I think it's unfair that you are still going to make me work in this God-forsaken dump even after I said I wanted to quit."_

"_Jane," she said with defeat clear in her voice, "If you want, you can go. I just thought you might've wanted to stay and…"_

"_Stay and what Lisbon?" He asked before she finished, "Watch people suffer and struggle through losing a loved one to a maniac? You wouldn't understand, you don't know what it's like to loose a family member who was that close to you."_

_That's enough, I'm breaking this up. I started to force people to the side but Jane had already turned and left before I could get there. _

Lisbon was left there, in the CBI headquarters, alone. I would hate to be her right now.

**Lisbon**

How could he say…he thinks that I've never lost anyone? What…what about…Mom.

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**This is your conscience speaking...click the REVIEW button!!!**


	12. Vision

**DISCLAIMER**

**Important A/N's:**

**Random Dice- I like the review and I love the ranting, keep it up. I rant a lot myself and love to discuss my opinion on people's stories. I love your ideas and input. Just keep commenting :D**

**Celticgina- I get greedy too, but remain calm! I have updated and have given you more to read for today! YAYY!! Now clap your hands and jump up and down excitedly. Thanks.**

**Khalek-aeryn- I like that line too! I thought it would be a nice touch. And yes, I do understand what you're saying. There's going to be moments for each of the characters with Lisbon and Jane (if that makes any sense).**

**Devina Serit- Thank you soooo much for being my number one reader and reviewer! You have helped me so much throughout the story. I am using your advise on the 5 senses and I think it's working nicely.**

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**Rigsby**

I didn't hear the exact words between our consultant and the Boss, but I could tell that it was bad. She just stood there, not moving. If I didn't know any better I would think she wasn't breathing, but she had to be- that was her way of calming down. I recall her actions from a time not too long ago, when she was drugged and led to believe she had killed someone. Both then and now she stands nervous and fragile with her hands buried in her pockets. She made sure her face was covered by her dark brown hair and hardly looked up. If she did look up, it was too make sure no one was staring. Her eyes would shine from the water threatening to spill over and her face turned a pale white.

"Hey, Cho," I spotted him looking at Lisbon. He looked stuck, almost lost, "what happened?"

He jumped slightly at the sound of my voice, "Jane yelled at Lisbon. I think she's taking it pretty hard."

No shit, Cho. Of course she's taking it hard, or else she wouldn't be acting like that, "Shouldn't we go and talk to her."

He looked at me, perhaps to check for any signs of humor, "You go talk to Lisbon, and I'll go after Jane." I nodded my head. I almost forgot about Jane…

"Good plan."

**Lisbon**

What…aw, hell. Rigsby's here. I can tell he heard what Jane and I said to each other. Shit…um…what am I going to…?

"Hey Boss, you ok?"

Just…I'm… "Just leave me alone." I don't know if he heard that, because I can hardly hear anything. I thought…Jane…oh God.

Don't cry, don't cry, DON'T CRY! I'm not…

"Is there anything you need, Boss?" I can tell that…I know…I think he cares, because it sounds like it.

"…My mother," It came out before I could stop it. I didn't mean to say that, but it's true anyway. I need my mom. I need to believe that there is someone on this planet that gives a crap about someone else. I need to know that I haven't been wasting my time, and that people appreciate what I do for them. That someone somewhere needs me. I need to know that if I died today, someone would miss me.

**Cho**

He isn't get out of the parking lot, that's for damn sure. It may have taken some illegal driving tactics, but I managed to block Jane's car from the exit. Before I could think of what I was going to say I was standing in front of Patrick Jane. His face was screaming 'you don't scare me'; not yet Jane. I don't scare you yet.

I need to get him to push me or hit me so I can arrest him for assault. With his temper where it is now, that doesn't seem too hard.

"Get out of my way, Kimball," he can use my first name all he wants, it doesn't bother me.

"Why don't you try to make me, Patrick? Oh wait, I forgot you're not a real psychic. How stupid of me, I almost forgot the reason that your family is dead," I know it was rude, but it was pay-back. It was something I know Lisbon would never take advantage of- she's too good of a person. Compared to what he said to her it wasn't too much over the line. It did the trick. Patrick Jane punched me square in the face before realizing his mistake.

I cuffed him and muttered something about lawyers and silence before triumphantly dragging him up to CBI floor 4 Interrogation Room.

**Jane**

He's defending her, that stupid bitch. Doesn't she know what I've been through? Doesn't she know what that smile does to me? How dare she even think that I could just ignore it! It's there forever and it's not going away. I can't deal with the CBI anymore; I have no use for it. Lisbon's usefulness ran out when Red John died, I should have realized that and not even bothered to apologize. I have nothing to be sorry for- all I did was save her life and get her out of a harmful situation.

And now I'm stuck in this stupid tan colored room staring down an out-of-date camera that they haven't bothered to replace with the newest edition. I know how will be asking me the questions and I know I won't be recorded. After I'm done in here I'm leaving California. I'm going sell my house, by a boat, and live on the sea where no one can bother me. There will be no boss, no murders, no taxes, and no God damn Lisbon. She won't be able to tempt me into shattering the memory of my wife, not anymore. I'll never have to see her face again.

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	13. of Light

**This is the longest chapter so far!!! YAYYY for longer chapter... don't expect me to keep it up though, sorry.**

**In honor of the number 13, I have made this chapter a bit creepy at the end. But don't worry! There must be sad before there can be happy (which is on it's way)**

**Special thanks to mia66 and Devina Serit for reviewing so much! Please continue giving me your input**

**Disclaimer**

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**Rigsby**

What do I do now? She's lost it and I don't know what to do- maybe I should call VanPelt and she could help me out. I know that if I say something it will probably just make it worse, so I best not say anything… but what if she gets even more upset from me not talking. Oh women are so confusing sometimes.

"I…uh…I don't think Jane meant what he said…you know…before," Ah! That was horrible, she's probably thinking more about her mother. This sucks!

Lisbon didn't look up, "It doesn't matter. I know you're trying to help and I appreciate that, Rigsby. I just need…to be left alone."

That makes sense, she like being alone a lot. Maybe I should offer her a ride back to… no…I remember what happened last time I offered a ride. That's ok; if she says that she wants a ride home I'll do exactly what I did last time. I will play cool and make sure she gets inside the house before leaving and I'll wish her a good night. VanPelt thought it was gentleman-like, it should work for Lisbon. She's still a girl.

**Lisbon**

"Do you want a ride home?" of course he would ask that. I don't want to get in a wreck though…on second thought…

"Sure, why not…" just make him happy and maybe he'll think he did something to help me and leave me the hell alone for the rest of the week.

The drive was quiet apart from me giving him directions. I didn't feel like talking and I know he didn't know what to say if I did. I hate this- it makes me feel weak. I don't need anyone to drive me home, I could tackle a man Rigsby's size and cuff him before he could register what hit him. I'm strong; I don't need anyone's help.

I noticed he didn't drive off until I closed my front door. How cute, he still follows the rules his mommy set out for him.

I need a shower, lunch, and that movie that I like. I'll deal with Minelli's ranting later.

**Jane**

"Come on, Jane. What do you expect her to do? She has been trying her best to make you happy and you turn on her from something she can't control? What in the hell is wrong with you?!"

I'm not listening, not listening at all. But he's still talking, "She needs you. You've never seen her face in the morning when you walk in. You don't see the way she looks at you when she doesn't know anyone else is watching. I may not be the most romantic guy in the world, but even I can see what you're doing."

Is he pausing for dramatic effect or does he expect me to say something? "You're playing with her head. You're making her fall for you because you think it's funny. Every tiny little thing you do that you know she adores is all a joke to you. No one is laughing Jane."

I've never been so happy to hear that blasted contraption sound its high-pitched ring as I do now. He rolls his eyes before answering his phone, "What?" he sounds pissed to be interrupted, but there's nothing he can do about that now is there?

"Ok, thanks man." He closed his phone and returned his attention back to accusing me of having a little fun. Lisbon knew that I didn't honestly care about her; I just thought it would be amusing to charm yet another woman. But this was different. Lisbon and I had an unspoken mutual agreement that I wouldn't take it too far and she wouldn't take my flirting seriously. But that day in the hospital might have been overdone. She's no queen and she doesn't exactly fit the profile for loyal pawn either.

"Look," he started, "mess with her all you want. But when you're conscience get a hold of you, don't ask for forgiveness. We won't accept it."

Wait…No…Lisbon is different. She knows…doesn't she? She has too…

Is she the Queen? I don't really know. I...but, what about my wife- where does she fit in? I forgot what love feels like, is it what I have with Lisbon? Or is it just a one-sided thing? Am I lying to myself, or did I mean what I said in the hos…

My mind ventured back to something she said before:

_Nothing's going to harm you, not while I'm around…_

Those were her exact words, but I know I've heard them somewhere else. It has to be a song. But where does it come from?

**Lisbon**

"Look, I tried not to, but…it just looked SO lonely all alone in my kitchen counter." Who am I talking to again? OH YEAH!!!! I'm the only one here, that's funny. Oh goodness, where did I put that bottle? Ugh, now I have to go get more from Mrs. Livingston. I'll just look for the Jack Daniel's after.

Her apartment is too far away! But…I want the yummy pills. "MRS. LIVINGSTON! Don't worry- I'm off duty today…"

Where is that damn woman! I come all the way to her front door and she takes FOREVER to get here. She opens the door slowly to make sure I wasn't lying, "What can I do for you?"

"I was just wondering if you had any more of that stuff I found last time," her eyes lit up.

"It's gonna cost ya…"

I handed her a $50 and she opened the door wider to let me in, "Here," she said handing me a prescription bottle, "but you promise you won't arrest me again right?"

"Sure, yeah…whatever…hey I like your Christmas tree, but isn't it like…September?"

"Oh I never take it down, I looks good in my living room- now the f*** out of my house, missy!"

There's another person to kick me out! I hate all of the people who do that to me…there such assholes. "I hate you too, Livingston!"

**Jane**

She's so drunk she doesn't even notice me slip though her front door and file through her den before she gets back from the old pill-popper Christmas lady. Maybe she really did think I was serious. But…I wasn't…I…no, I don't love her.

3 discarded beer bottles, her off duty weapon that she (thankfully) hasn't bothered with…yet…and the same messy room I was in a few weeks ago. And I thought she might have been a decent person, but I guess not. Lisbon was just some drunken federal agent who hates her life…

Oh my God…it can't be…

**3****rd**** Person **

Jane stood blankly staring at a bloody knife on her kitchen floor. He missed something. He didn't take the time to notice a bandage covering her left arm that was soaked all the way through before he came in. She tried…she tried for him to make it go away. She didn't want to be his pain, she wanted to be his friend.

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**Review and don't fret, Lisbon didn't cut her arm off. I'm not that dramtic...answers will be given tomorrow!! Thanks and have a good day everyone! **


	14. And

**A/N's:**

**khalek-aeryn- I know! Alot of people are upset with him as well, I just hope you're not upset with me too. He'll come around eventually**

**celticgina- I'm so glad your greed-streak as come to an end. It make me happy inside :D This chapter isn't as good, but next chapter will be.**

**Devina Serit- Aw, that's so nice. I've been trying to be more descriptive so its good to hear you say that. Thanks for all the reviews **

**Random Dice- answers are coming! No, you didn't miss anything. I'm just being a mean author and keeping you readers guessing! lol, you'll understand in chapter 15. This is a good Grigsby chapter. I'm not a big fan of writing about Grigsby so they dont get too many sweet moments in this story.**

**DISCLAIMER**

**I love all of my readers and reviewers for being so knid and taking the time to bother with my story. Please keep up the reviews. I've never had so many before, but my goal is to have over 50 for one chapter. We're almost there, just keep reviewing. Thanks again.**

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Cho

I let him go- I had no choice. I wanted him to see her side of the situation, but it was no use. All he cares about is being happy, it doesn't matter if he has broken someone else. Lisbon will be back at work tomorrow and Rigsby, VanPelt, and I are going to try our hardest to let things go back to normal so that she won't have to linger on the harsh fact that he's gone.

I reach to my bed stand where my phone is charging. I don't feel like reading the text I just got so I'll do it in the morning. It can't be that important…unless it's from Lisbon…maybe I better check who sent it. Ha, Patrick Jane. I'm not even going to bother with his filth any more.

I delete the message from my inbox and go back to sleep. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow, it's going to be hell talking to the Boss.

**Rigsby**

*Ding Ding* Why does my stupid cell phone always ruin the moment!? I'll read the text later, but right now I have to get back to listening to Grace. I've been at her place for about an hour just listening to her talk. I never was really the type to listen to others feelings and crap like that, but I'll take any opportunity to hear her voice. I've never felt this way about anybody else that I have dated. Whenever I go to work, I get excited because I know she's there on her computer following a lead she got.

"Do you want to get that?" she asked when she realized it was my cell phone.

"Nah, it's just a text. What were you saying about your Father's team?" I ask. I'm so proud of myself for knowing what she was talking about and being involved in a conversation that isn't about me. I know VanPelt likes that to because every time she stops talking, I can reply with agreement to whatever she was saying and she could continue on with confidence that I cared about whatever she said. I think I love her.

**VanPelt**

"…and so the boy threw the ball and he had such bad aim that it hit…" I was cut off by my own cell phone. I got a text too, but just like Rigsby I could get it later. I'm having too much fun talking to a man who has enough respect to listen. Lord knows you don't find one of those every day. I think I might actually like him…maybe…I blushed at the thought.

**Jane**

"What the hell are you doing in my apartment?" she asks me slurring nearly every word and pointing at me with profound accusation.

I start to walk slowly towards her to close the door and check her arm, she might already have an infection but I hope not, "I just came to check up on you. May I see your arm?"

She laughed for a minute, "Which one!? Here," she said holding up her right arm, "it's fine."

"The other one, Lisbon," I correct her. I don't feel like doing this right now, I'm supposed to be packing my things so I can sell the house.

"Oh! You mean the LEFT arm…why? All your going to do is get mad at me. Why do you always get mad at me?" her voice started strong and angry, but finished weak and sorrowful.

"I'm not mad at you Lisbon, I'm mad at what happened to you," I tell her. Hopefully that will calm her down.

After a few seconds she's couldn't think of what to say so I continued, "Now will you come with me to the ER so that they can take a look at your arm?"

She looked down so that I couldn't see her eyes. She hates crying in front of people, "Are you going to hurt me?"

She thinks I would hurt her? How could I hurt her she's…no, I don't care if she dies tomorrow. I just want to do this one last thing for her before I leave. Is…is that a crime? I grab the top of her right arm and drag her along with me. I push her out the door and she falls over, which gives me enough time to find her keys, her badge, and a change of clothes. They were all in the same places I thought they might be.

When I walked back outside she was still on the ground. I held both of her shoulders and pulled up to get her to stand. I noticed that she had lost a lot of weight since two weeks ago, so I didn't have to put in much of an effort to get her up. She was shaking and then I realized that I never answered her question, she must think I'm going to do something to her.

"I'm helping you Lisbon, not hurting you," I say. I know I said it angrily and that probably didn't make her feel any better but I don't care right now.

Once we got I the car I texted the team to tell them she wouldn't be at work tomorrow morning and why. Next I had to stop at Starbuck to get the strongest coffee I could get to get her sober. I know it might not work, but it's worth a try. I don't like talking to a drunk woman.

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	15. in the

**Everybody rejoice and be glad! We have a new fan for SABP named edwardcullen23. I appreciate your reviews and as a special thanks to edwardcullen23, I have updated again today.**

**Thanks to everyone who reviews!!! Special thanks to Ravenclaw101 for reading even though she has no idea what's going on. Your my bestest friend everr!**

**DISCLAIMER**

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**Jane**

She's starting to think clearer. I can tell that she regrets picking up the alcohol in the first place and wishes it never happened.

"Lisbon?" she doesn't acknowledge me, but I can tell she wants too, "Why do you do that?"

She kept her head down, but I could tell the question confused her. Her hair remained in the same place protecting her from having to look at me or letting me see her. She had her guard up once again. "Do what?" the tremor in her voice is hard for me to hear. I can tell she's scared.

"Why do you drink? Why do you take all the narcotics? Why would you do that to yourself when you've seen what it does to people? You're a police officer for God's sake and you have your own personal drug dealer next door! What in the hell were you thinking?" I was trying to knock some sense into her, but all it was doing was echoing what she was already asking herself.

I found a parking place in the ER lot and sat for a few more minutes before getting out.

**Lisbon**

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…I didn't mean for it to go so far. What have I done to myself? My arm…it burns…why is this happening to me? What have I done wrong? Why am I in love with a man that hates me?

"Jane," what am I going to say to him?

"It's ok Lisbon, I'm not mad at you."

Liar! He is mad at me… he's mad because he didn't want to drive me to the ER, "I'm sorry…I didn't want to be…"

"I came to check on you. I don't know why you're sorry!" he is angry. He's yelling at me again- I hate it when he yells at me.

**Jane**

She doesn't even bother with resisting anymore. She lets out her sobs that she has been holding in for days, and I know that they are all caused by me. It's my fault entirely. She is depressed because of me. I didn't mean for it to be this bad. Oh God, Lisbon.

"Shh…" I try to sooth her even though I know she won't be ok for a long time. I lean over to the passenger seat and stretch out my arms to bring her into a hug, but at my touch she jumps, "I'm not going to hurt you, Lisbon. How could I ever hurt you?"

"You…don't…just don't touch me. Please, just leave me alone…I…" she can't even finish whatever it was she was going to say without choking on her tears. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, I was just…please just be ok Lisbon. I…I don't…

"I love you," I didn't know what I was saying, but I knew I couldn't lie anymore. She has been lied to enough and I can't bear to see her anymore broken.

She looks up, her eyes wide. I don't know what that expression is- I've never seen it before. She looks scared, relieved, worried, depressed, and like the world just shattered all in one.

**3****rd**** Person**

She stumbles out of the car, into the storm that formed outside since Jane had gotten her coffee. She didn't usually like getting wet, but she couldn't care less right now. She didn't know where she was going and she wasn't going to make it a point to find out. She just started walking with Jane trying to catch up to her. He grabbed her arm and turned her around to face him.

"Teresa- I know. I know I've been off lately alright! I know that it's been hard on you, but I'm just trying to get things straight, ok? I'm sorry for anything I've done that made you cry. I'm sorry that I've been yelling and you just happened to be the one I yell at. But please, just listen. I love you and I know I do. I know. But…sometimes I just think of…"

"I know you will never love me like you loved her, and I understand that Jane. All I want is for you to be my friend, that's it. I don't care if you never tell me you love me and mean it. I don't care if you quit working at the CBI, just be my friend Jane. I can't take it when you yell at me."

"I'm your friend, Lisbon. I will always be your friend if not more," it was the truth. He knows it had to be and he knows what it meant. It meant that Jane would have to do what he has been trying to avoid- using her. Maybe not in any way that is inappropriate, but in a way that would be unfair none the less. He would never bring himself to marry her, but she would still go to sleep every night dreaming that he might. He could tell her he loved her, but he could never fully mean it. Lisbon would tell him she loved him and mean it with all her heart. It was something he hated having to face, but if it made her happy he would do it.

"May I see what you've done to your arm?" He asks after a few seconds. She didn't respond verbally but held up her left arm to let him unwrap it. He did so slowly in case any of the cloth stuck to her. The rain helped a lot, "Oh God, Lisbon…" he said after the bandage was completely off, "why would you do this to yourself?"

She looked down for a moment and then back up to him, "Because I didn't want you to have to see it. I don't want you to have to look away every time you see me coming. Are you mad at…"

"No. Lisbon…you did this because of me? Oh my God. I'm so sorry." [The skin had been completely ruined. Cut every which way she could manage with a knife to the point that you could see an evil smile staring back at you. Some skin clung desperately to her arm and it hung there lazily. The infection had spread to cover most of the injury, swallowing the red and turning it an ugly color of yellow. If Jane thought he would hate the sight of her arm branded with one sinister smile, he despised the sight of a million deep X's covering the pale underside of her arm from wrist to elbow. It looked like she might have gotten caught in a road side bomb and her arm was facing the explosion.]

**Jane**

I made her do that…Oh God… "Lisbon…" I pulled her close to me. I held her tight and she stopped her shaking and her crying. She just stood there, letting me hold her in the ER parking lot. I felt like I haven't in a long time. I felt complete and like someone needed me. I felt needed and loved, even if I couldn't really love her back. I made a decision in that parking lot that I would never leave her. I could never bring myself to hurt her any more. I will do my damnedest to make her happy as long as I'm alive and no one else will have the opportunity to injure her either. Nothing's going to harm her, not while I'm around. She told that to me in the hospital one day, and I know why.

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**Review!!!!!**


	16. Voice

**I have had some people bring up this one little point and I think I need to call attention to it. Yes, Lisbon is OOC ('out of character' for you newbies), but there are other things you need to take into account. She was drunk for ane thing, and for another she loves him. I know she is a normally strong character, and in the next few chapters we will see that strength coming back. Let's face it, she's a human being and we all have our difficult moments. Chill and enjoy the story for what it is and have patience, you will get your IC Lisbon in short time.**

**Disclaimer**

**Thanks for reading, -firebreather23**

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**Cho**

Where is Lisbon? Its 10:30 and she still hasn't come into work today. Something is wrong, she's never late. At my lunch break I will go back to her apartment to see if she's alright. She's probably just sleeping in…unless she did something stupid. Nah, Lisbon wouldn't. I mean, she's messed up, but not that messed up…I think…

I got up from my desk filled with neglected paperwork and head down to Minelli's office. I knock on the door loudly enough to where he can hear me over the other person in the room. The near-bald, over-weight man answered the door and shot me a quizzical look, "What!?"

I try not to dwell on his sour mood, "Sir- I would like permission to leave the building for a few minutes to check up on Agent Lisbon. She hasn't come in yet."

He thought for a few minutes before responding, "Have you tried calling her?"

"Yes sir, she's not answering anywhere."

He moaned at the realization of what might have happened, "Yeah, go check on her and if she doesn't answer the front door, beat it down. Take VanPelt with you, she might be able to talk to her if she needs it." I started to turn when he revised his orders, "On second thought, take Rigsby too. You might need him if she gets violent."

"Yes sir. Thanks."

I call VanPelt and Rigsby to the car and brief them on the way there. VanPelt seems worried and so does Rigsby. Alright, I just need to act like Lisbon…what would she say?

"I'm sure she's fine guys, this is just a checkup…" yeah, that sounded like her. They're faces lightened a little but still showed a significant amount of seriousness. They know as well as anyone what could have happened. But we can't believe that she would do that, she's strong enough not to kill herself.

Upon arrival at her apartment complex, I only need to see one thing to know that something really was wrong. On the last parking space sat a blue old-fashioned car that almost resembled a frog. Patrick Jane was here, and I'm not happy about it.

**Jane**

What happened last night must have been replayed in my mind a hundred times in the past few hours. Two days ago, I would have been furious at myself, but now I'm relieved. I know I can trust her with anything and I know that she understands the memory if my wife and daughter. I do love her, and I can face that fact without resentment.

"_Your mother sang that song to you, didn't she?" I knew what it felt like to think about lost loved ones, but I needed to know. She merely nodded her head as a reply. I looked around the cold, bright waiting room. The teal- blue chairs that we have been sitting in for about an hour are anything but comfortable and I can tell Lisbon's arm isn't getting any better as time goes by. It needed to be looked at now. _

"_Lisbon?" _

"_What?"_

"_Will you come with me? I want to see if I can get them to look at your arm quicker. It's getting pretty ugly."_

_She took a deep breath and stood up. I can tell she was exhausted. We walked to the front of the room where an old, grumpy woman sat staring at a computer screen, "Ma'am…"_

_She looked up and raised one eye brow to make sure he knew how annoyed she was, "Yes?"_

"_I was just wondering if there was any way you could get the doctors to allow Teresa Lisbon in next. I'm afraid that if we don't act quickly the infection is going to become serious."_

_She rolled her eyes "How bad is it?" Jane softly held her left hand out to the receptionist. She woman took a second to examine it and turned back to her computer screen, "Look, we have had people waiting for hours. The earliest time I can get for you is in 3 hours."_

"_3 hours! Can't you see that! Do you think she has 3 hours left?! That infection could cause cancer if it stays there too long." I yell. Her answer wasn't good enough, I wanted her taken care of now._

"_Calm down, sir. Let me ask the patient a few questions and then I will request to have her pushed up to 2__nd__." She said with an attitude. I really didn't like her._

"_How old are you?" she started._

"_31," Lisbon answered._

"_How much do you weigh?"_

"_115"_

"_Do you have kids or are you pregnant?"_

"_No"_

"_Is it possible that you could be pregnant?_

"_No"_

"_I'm sorry," I jumped in, "but didn't we already answer these questions? Just skip to the question you haven't asked yet!"_

_She sighed and went on, "On a scale from 1 to 10 how bad does it hurt?"_

"_Um…I don't know…8 I guess."_

"_May I see the wound?"_

_Lisbon held out her arm towards the sadistic hospital worker. The woman scrimmaged through her top drawer and found a pair of latex gloves. She grabbed the uncut area of Lisbon's arm, "Tell me when it hurts."_

_She woman put her thumb on the edge of the injury. It was too much for her to handle. Lisbon jumped as soon as the woman touched her, causing the receptionist to press down harder on the cut. _

**Lisbon**

_It hurt so much. I knew she was going to have to do that when Jane started his rant, but I didn't expect it to be that bad. My skin around the wound felt like it was being pulled upwards. It almost felt itchy, but when I scratched it, the wound itself hurt more. The constant stinging and throbbing in my left arm was unlike anything I could remember having. And when she pressed down, I couldn't take it. I started crying uncontrollably and had to bite down on the inside of my check to keep from screaming. Why is this happening to me?_

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**Thank you for reading another chapter will tolerance and please review! I love to hear what you think in your reviews. Look for a new chapter momentarily.**


	17. of the

**I am VERY VERY sorry about taking so long to update, but be happy in knowing that this week I will be updating like crazy. Life sometimes gets in the way of my stories and that needs to change...Did anybody miss me? I missed all of my dear readers and pray for your forgiveness. This update was brought up because of one particular reader and reviewer named kathiann. They reviewed every chapter from one to sixteen. I thought something devastating had happened when I saw I had over 15 emails, but alas they were all from Fanfiction.**

**DISCLAIMER**

**I know I left off at a bad place and I'm sorry to leave you hanging. Not much interesting stuff in this chapter, but just wait until 18...hehehe...**

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**Rigsby**

I can't believe I left my phone at Grace's house. After our talk I just couldn't think of anything else other than the things she told me about. I loved how she opened up to me so much. I replayed everything she told me three times over that night, trying to remember everything verbatim. I know I fell in love with her, but I don't know when. I hope she can find it in her heart to love me just as much as I love her one day.

**VanPelt**

I must not sleep with Rigsby.

I must not sleep with Rigsby.

I must not sleep with Rigsby.

I must not sleep with Rigsby.

Just keep on repeating it and it will work, just like in grade school when I had to write lines. It's a punishment for falling for a co-worker during the first year of your career and a situation that calls for deception. I want to tell him I love him, but I can't. I know that he respects me and wouldn't do anything unless I wanted him too; that's not the real problem. The real problem is that I wouldn't be able to say no. I would want it just as much as he would and it is hard enough for me to say no to him for the simple things, like holding my hand or touching my face. I would say yes because I wouldn't have a choice, and that is a problem.

As soon as we arrived at Lisbon's apartment complex, I see Cho's face drop in anger. I follow in line of sight and suddenly understand exactly what is making him upset. Patrick Jane's car is parked outside Lisbon's apartment.

**Cho**

I whip the car into the first spot I see, not making any effort to get it inside the fading white lines. If he hurt her, I will arrest him. If he killed her then I will make him pay, but I will not stoop down to his level.

Before we reached the front door we spotted the betrayer sitting outside her door, just staring. I can tell he had been thinking for a long time about something important. But that doesn't matter right now- I have to know that she is alright.

"Jane," I say remaining calm, "what are you doing?"

He doesn't answer, but hands me a key instead. The brand name etched on the front matched that of Lisbon's door. How in the hell did he get a key? I make it a point to bring that up later. I unlocked the door and start counting how many things seemed off about the room.

One- her alarm system wasn't set. Two- signs of a struggle (the living room was a mess). Three- a bloody knife sat idly upon her kitchen counter. Four- she was passed out on her couch with her arm heavily bandaged. Five- pill bottles and 3 empty Jack Daniel's were scattered about the floor. Six- her off- duty weapon was missing. Seven- she had clearly been crying…a lot.

**Jane**

I neglected to clean up even though I promised myself that I would, but I couldn't stay there any longer than I had too. She was very good at pretending to be asleep, but I saw right through it. When we arrived back at her apartment around 3 am I told her to sleep. She went upstairs obediently, but an hour later I heard her crying.

"_Lisbon?" I didn't earn a reply, "Lisbon are you alright?"_

_Still nothing, I stood in her door for a few seconds trying to think of what to do, "Is it your arm?"_

_I heard her sniff, "It burns…" she admitted sheepishly._

_I walked towards her bed, still not knowing what exactly to do. I acted without thinking, sitting at her side and caressing her back gently. Her sobs stopped almost immediately. I never would have guessed her to like someone touching her in any way, but clearly it calmed her down. I don't know what to do; I know that I want to love her, but I can't. I know that I want to forget about her, but it's useless. I know that she loves me, and I wish she didn't._

**Lisbon**

His touch was so warm and comforting. I can't remember the last time anyone had touched me...my mother did it all the time...

_He picked me up easily and brought me down stairs, "I don't want you to be alone tonight, but I can't stay in your bedroom." At least he has the decency to stay out of my room._

_So many of my past boyfriends would have said the opposite, trying to convince me to stay with them at their place or trying to stay with me in my bed. I regret never having the courage to tell them no. I lied to myself so many times, saying that maybe if I let them have what they want they would tell me they loved me. Maybe they would hold my hand just to hold my hand and not to have unspoken permission to let their hands roam. Maybe I would be important to someone, but it never happened._

_And here is the last man on earth I would have ever thought to do this, Patrick Jane. He put me down on the couch and sat down next to me, lifting my head in a way that let me use his leg as a pillow. I didn't notice that I was still crying until he wiped away my tears with his left hand. His touch was warm, but his ring was not. It was ice cold, following the warmth of his fingers along the wet trails down my face. I shiver at the thought of what he must be thinking. He must hate me._

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**Please review :D I would love it if you did!**


	18. Dead

**Thanks for getting so far! Remember- reviews make me happy!**

**DISCLAIMER**

**My basic understanding of FanFiction literature is that if you keep putting new twists in your stories, people will keep reading. Jane's nightmare is not what really happens in the story- IT IS A DREAM! Please be patient and I promise that something that captures your interest is coming if it has been slightly unentertained latey. The Edgar Allen Poe nightmare is merely me having some fun and writing something that I haven't seen in other people's fics so enjoy. Happy [belated] Halloween and enjoy the nightmare...**

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**Patrick Jane's Nightmare**

He stands alone in an empty white room; looking all around to find someone…anyone…He spins over and over, around and around. No one is there…he stays all alone in this room. The silence makes his head pound and his ears ring, the loneliness he feels wells up from inside him and threatens to take over his entire being…the only emotion he is capable of is fear.

'Where am I?' he thinks, 'How do I get out!?'

He turns around and around in never ending circles. Searching for what isn't there…he decides to start running in hopeless agony. Jane stops running…breathless… He sits down and closes his eyes shut.

Several minutes pass when he finally re-opens them. Out of the corners of his vision he sees a small figure move to a position behind him. He stands quickly and finds a small girl looking down at the ground. Her wet, brown hair covers her face. She stands facing Jane and does not move.

"Who are you?" he asks; his voice in a normal tone. He is desperate for answers, for some kind of sense. It takes him a second to realize that her clothes are dripping wet, just like her hair. Her head remains down, but she answers.

"I am lost…" her voice is small and full of pain. It echoes from the sightless walls of the room, "…You have to help me mister…"

Jane starts to hyperventilate, "I can't! Who are you!?"

She looks up now. Her eyes are rolled to the back of her head, causing only white to be seen. Her face has a distinct familiarity, but he can't quite place it, "I am your small pet dog. You know who I am well. You look at me and your expression falls into one of misery, but I look at you and stare in admiration. I love you, but you hate me. No matter how much you beat me, I have always come back."

Jane is confused beyond understanding how confused he really is. The small girl…is… "Lisbon?"

As soon as he said the name she began to cry, harder and harder. Her eyes grew red and the area around them became puffy. The crystal clear tears fell down her face. Within a matter of second her eyes grew to be completely red, and the tears fell faster. They fell one by one, each of them becoming a less clear drop. They fell thin and a faint shade of red, then they fell heavier and a darker shade. Finally blood ran down her face. She began to make small whimpering noises. The water covering her dark clothes turned to blood, and Jane's heart refused to beat any longer out of fear.

A taller figure emerged from nowhere and came up behind the sobbing child, placing a pale boney hand on her shoulder. He stood and, like the younger version of Lisbon, was wearing all black, "Look at what you're doing to the poor girl. She's falling apart because of you."

It didn't take Jane as long to figure out that he was Red John. His fear became anger, "Let her go!"

Red John only smiled, "As you wish…" he drew a knife and plunged it deep into the child back. He carved a circle that covered her entire back. He drew to lines for the eyes, and an evil smile to finish her off. The lifeless body sank to the floor. Jane jumped to catch her, but it was too late. Teresa was dead.

**Lisbon**

I woke up earlier than I thought I would, again with no one next to me. My arm stings and my head is pounding. I sit up from the couch and wipe the sleep from my eyes. Although my vision is still blurred I can tell someone besides Jane and I have been in the room. Jane wouldn't leave my front door unlocked.

I stumble around until I find the bathroom…oh…there it is… I pick up my 9 mm from the floor and check to see if it's loaded. Oh, right…I loaded it last night just in case I…I wanted to…I don't need to think about that right now.

After I finish up in the bathroom I go find my phone and call him. I never expected him to stay, but I still want him to be here.

**Rigsby**

"Your mood swings are making me dizzy…" VanPelt said while rolling her eyes in a way that I can't ignore, "So do you want to help her or are you leaving?"

He took no hesitation in his reply, "I both want to stay and to leave, but for my sake and hers I going to stay for the recovery."

Cho folded his arms, "Lisbon's a big girl- she can take care of herself. Why do you assume that she wants your help?"

"I said I was staying for the recovery. Why do you assume I meant hers?" he satisfactorily studied each of our blank faces, "Listen…I know that I was a jerk and I'm sorry. Lisbon knows and I think she has forgiven me-"

I cut him off, "What- because you slept together?" I didn't mean to say it like that but I just couldn't keep it in…

He gave me a harsh look before continuing, "I didn't use her if that is what you are implying. I took her to the hospital and brought her back home- that's all. Nothing happened…"

I said nothing and tried my best to remain stoic, "Sorry, Jane…continue."

He nodded once and finished, "I think Lisbon has forgiven me, or I hope she has. The thing is…" he paused and looked out to no specific point on the rising sun's horizon, "I can't…I have to make sure she's alright. I can't leave her behind…" he cleared his throat, "I beg your forgiveness as well and pray that you will have me as your consultant once more."

I looked to Grace for her approval (which she seemed keen on administering) and then to Cho before answering for the threesome, "Sure, Jane…"

"On one condition," Cho jumped in. We all turned in curiosity towards him, "Never do anything to hurt her. NOTHING…"

Jane nodded, "Of course."

"I mean it Jane. Whether it be risking her life in an attempt to catch a mad serial killer or putting her mental sanity on the line."

"I know…I won't"

**Jane**

I will never say it out loud, but I know I love her- I can't hurt her again.

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**Please Review.**

**Signed,  
~Fire the Passerby Observer **


	19. I

My dear readers,

I understand how you must be feeling- neglected, hurt, abandoned, and hanging in a suspenseful torture that I so cruelly have left you in. Please, don't be angry with me. I miss each of your wonderful comments and hope that you will still respond like you did earlier when I posted my chapters. I assure you that it was not intentionally I failed to post more chapters; I have just been through a sort of odd state lately. A new laptop, a death of a close friend, being in academic probation at school, and being clinically diagnosed as depressed has prevented me from being more involved. I solemnly swear that I will do my best to give you as many chapters as possible during the holiday season since it will be spent alone.

I especially miss;

Spike, who seemed so friendly and happy about my writing in his reviews,

Devinia Serit, my mentor and most helpful friend through nearly all of my stories,

Ebony10, whose writing I try to match but fail at each attempt because I'm not sure anyone could match your abilities,

Ravenclaw101, who has been my best friend these past 8 years,

Laura, kathiann, Horselady, VioletAlchemist, and thersa366

Please honestly tell me whether of not you would like for me to continue Strawberries and Broken Promises. I would love to continue but I want to make sure I will have someone to read it. Review and tell me if you want me to continue. If you vote yes, look for chapter 19 soon. I am afraid that my stupid computer is making me angry, so I don't know how much time I can spend on this before quitting. I will defiantly post it by Wednesday…which is tomorrow…

Thanks Ms. M for helping me out even though you think I'm stupid and can't put together a decent sentence. I look up to you and I really hope you can forgive me one day.

-Fire the Passerby Observer


	20. am

**VanPelt- 6 weeks later**

Jane and Lisbon seem to have been getting along much better now that the Red John thing is finally over, but I still have my suspicions about his leaving the CBI next month. Things will be different around here, and Lisbon won't be as happy as she is now. Her feelings for him before were only revealed by minor blushes or tiny things like that, but she can't be in the same room with him without smiling. It's cute, kind of- two broken people fixing each other. I like that idea…ughh…

**Rigsby**

She's been running to the bathroom a lot lately, I hope she doesn't have the stomach virus that everyone seems to be getting around here. Even Cho is out sick today…but I'll bet he really isn't…Cho is a ninja- ninja's don't get sick. Not really anyways. I think I am getting better at this observation business Jane has me working on. I check the corners of all the ceilings to make sure Cho wasn't waiting to attack someone.

"Hmmm…" I guess he has other ninja-like things to attend to.

"You're thinking really hard about something over there- try not to pull a muscle. That tends to happen when working an area that is hardly used," Jane says from his couch. He didn't even look up or open his eyes, so how does he know? He's a psychic in disguise pretending to be a fake psychic- genius plan…and I think a lot.

"Shut up, Jane," I retorted.

"Watch it, Rigsby- Cho will come after you if you tell me to shut up again."

I was right…I really am improving my observation skills. Beast…

**Jane**

I try not to show it, but I am ready to shoot her the next time she smiles at me like that. I know she doesn't even realize it, but I'm a married man for God's sake! Well…I was…am…I can love two women. It has been done before, I think. Since I'm right 99% of the time we'll just say that I'm right now. Ah well, no need thinking on it for too long. It will just make me more upset.

"You're thinking really hard about something over there- try not to pull a muscle. That tends to happen when working an area that is hardly used," creeping him out makes me laugh and I need that right now.

Meh, I'm already too bored for this conversation. I give him answers, but don't really think about what I'm saying. I hear Lisbon's footsteps approaching along with another, probably Grace because they both seem to be the same weight.

"Are you sure you're ok?" I heard Lisbon ask.

"Yeah," just as I thought- Grace, "I'm fine boss." She sure doesn't sound fine.

They enter the bullpen- Lisbon smells of cinnamon and Grace smells like Fruit and vomit, lovely.

"Look, I don't want to get sick and neither does anyone else. If it could be the flu than go home." VanPelt doesn't reply but I know she either nodded or gave some sort of confirmation signal such as that, "Rigsby- take her home and stop by the drug store for medicine."

Yeah, go buy medicine, and I hear Sprite helps sometimes- oh and some pregnancy tests, too. That could come in handy. I need to stop being so sarcastic- Lisbon is rubbing off on me.

"Sure thing, boss- I'll help her out."

I don't understand why she chooses to bottle everything up inside. It doesn't do anything for her except make it worse. I open my eyes to the sight of a white bandage pervading a beautifully slim arm. I feel my face twist upon recalling its purpose. I did that to her… she's carrying a mark worse than that God damn smile- and it's my mark. That's my signature of torture… I will never be able to live that down.

**Lisbon**

I can see him staring. Everyone in the building knows how it got there, but no one's harsh looks bothered me as much as his. I know he thinks that I'm weak. I just…uh…

"Do you want to come to lunch with me?" I ask. I can't think about what happened without having a melt-down. Ever since that awkward day in October, everyone thinks that I was just pretending. Sometimes I really do feel that way.

He stops and considers for a moment, "I…ugh…" he clears his throat and looks back to my arm. I put it behind my back so that he'll stop. I feel so small whenever he looks at it like that, "Sure, why not?"

"Let's go," I head back to my office to get my jacket and money.

**Jane**

"I'm sorry," I said as soon as we were in the car. I see her turn to me confused, "for not being there."

She starts the car and turns off the radio, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"I wish you would stop lying to me. I hate it when you do that. Tell me the truth," I realize that I was a little loud, but I needed to get that through to her.

Her hair fell in front of her face, and I know it wasn't unintentionally. She looked out of the driver's side window as the car came to a stop. Her body nervously swayed back and forth a few times, "Jane…I'm not…"

"You are! Don't lie to me Lisbon! Why can't you just tell me how you really feel?" I didn't mean to yell, but I have to know what she's thinking.

I didn't realize how yelling would affect her. She still won't look at me, her back is starting to shake, and her breathing is heavy.

"Oh God," I mutter to myself…what have I done?


	21. Screaming

**Hey- I hope you like it. I added some mushy stuff in this one as a special holiday treat. This isn't the last chapter, but the way it end might make it seem like it's over. Trust me when I say that I would never end it like this...or would I? You'll never know.**

**DISCLAIMER**

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**Lisbon**

He…he's yelling at me… he doesn't mean it, he can't mean it. He isn't mad at me. I try to hold in my tears, but they want to be freed. I feel like my body is fighting against my brain- I can't stop shaking and my eyes won't open anymore. I'm surprised the brake pedal hasn't broken yet from how hard I'm pressing it. Just calm down, Teresa…it's ok…

"Lisbon!" he yells again.

He is mad at me…I thought he wasn't mad anymore- "I'm sorry…" I hadn't realized how frail my voice would sound or that tears were running down my face until now, "just… don't be mad…"

Just shut up Lisbon! This is only making things worse.

"Lisbon," he says quieter, "I'm sorry. Just cry, it's alright- I'm here." He's lying…he thinks I'm weak. I know he would be making fun of me if anyone else was here- he hates me.

I jerk as I feel his hand grab the top of my arm. He wouldn't hurt me- but, I can't trust him…he's a liar.

**Jane**

What have I done to her? I didn't know that yelling would trigger this kind of behavior, or at least I didn't think _my_ yelling would trigger this kind of behavior. I know she wouldn't care if Cho or Rigsby screamed every once in a while, but I didn't realize how much I affected her. She's having a mental break-down because of my carelessness. I refuse to do what I did last time…I have to help her.

I try to think of different ways to put her in a trance, but I can't focus seeing her like this, "Oh Lisbon…I'm so sorry. Just calm down," Fine- I'll just say whatever I said last time.

"Lisbon…Teresa- just be calm. Just relax, listen to my voice as you let all the tension fall off your body and listen to me," It's working, but I feel horrible about it. She hates it when I do this, but there is really no other way, "Just cry…"

She did- she cried and she cried hard. I held in my tears just watching her wishing that I could do more. After a few minutes, she had let out all of her tears and rested her head on the window almost as if asleep. I got out of the car and opened her door. She was small, so it wasn't a difficult task to pick her up and put her in the back seat.

I drove us to the closest parking lot to the abandoned intersection we had been in for the past half hour. Of course, right on cue came the rain.

**3rd person**

Jane found himself sitting in the back seat of a pitch black Tahoe holding the most beautiful thing in the world in his eyes. He could tell that she wasn't as bad as she was before, but he wanted to find out what made her react that way.

"Lisbon?" Jane brushed the hair away from her eyes remembering that she was in a trance, "what is it that you want to do most right now? You don't have to tell me, just do it."

He was scared- not because her gun was close to her hand, but because this would confirm a hunch that he wanted to be false.

**Jane**

Just don't kiss me and we'll be fine. I begging whatever greater being is in charge of what humans do- don't let her kiss me. I can't betray my wife…no- I can't. But I won't. Death has parted us, and therefore my wife is no more. I am free to love Lisbon, I just don't want to.

She took my hand and held it palm side up. With her left hand she held mine and with her right she pulled the golden cross necklace off her neck and placed it in my hand, "My mother gave it to me before she died. I promised myself that I would give it to someone I loved before I died so that her memory would live on. I love you, Jane."

I looked into her eyes that held no lie, just sorrow and longing. I changed my mind- I do want a kiss.

**Lisbon**

He didn't answer, just looked at me. Maybe that wasn't a good thing to do- he doesn't love me. He could never love me because of…

**3rd Person**

She couldn't even finish the though before he pulled her into a soft, sweet kiss. Both of their hearts sped up as their mouths moved together in harmony. Jane forgot about the ring on his finger and Lisbon forgot about how he yelled at her.

Two broken people, made whole by one kiss. Jane deepened the kiss making it needy, more aggressive. One of his hands held the back of her head and the other stayed on her back, keeping her as close as possible. Both of her hands found his golden curls, not willing to let go. He pushed her down into a lying position, pinning her under him. Her legs curled around his, making sure he wouldn't leave or vanish. Neither thought of how wrong this was, just how they wanted it to last forever.

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